What Nobody Tells First-Time-Dad

So Elissa made a post last week about what nobody tells you as a first-time parent, but it was pretty skewed toward the 'mother' experience.  I figured I should make my own list:

1. You'll need to be patient before baby will do more than cry, poop, and eat.  But you would be surprised how cute they are even then.  I mean, seriously, check these out: Baby & Bear, Just Chilling, Dad & Baby(apparently she had a question :P ), The Ella-rrito (loosely packed this time).

2. If mom's breastfeeding, then you're really not all that useful compared to mom. Deal with it. But that doesn't mean mom doesn't want/need you around for those moments when she feels overwhelmed or you can actually be helpful.

3. Even if mom says you can sleep all night, your baby may have a different plan in mind. Believe me, I'm a heavy sleeper, but a baby's cry is quite good at waking people up.  Also, unless mom is incredibly skilled she'll need light to figure out that feeding thing (and if you're feeling helpful once you're up, you might as well help burp & change a diaper).

4. Make sure you try to spend time with your baby -- you can't bond if all you do is hear them scream. Holding babies is pretty good weight training too -- they get bigger as you get stronger. Also, apparently women find husbands spending time with babies incredibly attractive.

5. You're probably going to feel inexplicably tired, and you DON'T have hormones to blame like your wife. At these times, it's good to look at people around you who have babies and aren't always tired -- it'll remind you that some day you'll figure it out.

6. You'll need to be prepared for a lot of excitement over things that sound (and actually are) pretty gross. I still don't get it. I understand that we expect these gross things, but being excited about it just seems strange. I mean, seriously: "Oh, baby just pooped all over in the diaper and it was this gross color and consistency, which is exactly what I always wanted!!!" (exaggeration of course).

7. Everyone's going to ask you how things are going. If you're anything like me, you'll have no idea what to tell them. Just say something, and if it's crazy, they'll probably figure you need more sleep, or, they'll think you're amazing for being able to take care of a wife and baby, AND still have social skills and/or wit.

8. Since mom is sleep-deprived and constantly attached to baby, you're going to have to do all the things she normally did around the house (or do without). Your list may or may not contain: laundry; filling/starting a dishwasher, doing the dishes that don't fit; sweeping, mopping, vacuuming; cooking meals; cleaning (not that I don't usually do SOME of those tasks, but doing all of them is a big job).

9. If you're like us, something will break around the house, making regular tasks take even longer. For us, it was the kitchen sink drain, which is attached to both sinks, the disposal, and the dishwasher. This meant that if we didn't want to have water spewing all over the kitchen floor and cupboards, we had to do our dishes elsewhere. It turns out that in most modern houses, this is incredibly inconvenient, but kind of a fun adventure (once).

10. Even after just a couple weeks, it's easy to see that it get's much easier as time goes by. You've just started something great. Even if you don't feel like it's rewarding now, I am assured that it is the most rewarding thing you could ever pursue, and from the parents I know it seems pretty true, even if it doesn't always seem logical.